Hi everyone,
The new English version of the tool leaflet is almost done. It is quite different from the original German one.
--> the language needs to be proofread --> the text (actual content) needs to be checked
Ideas / critics / remarks welcome! Since I sent the source file to designers@, I'm just attaching the pdf here to have less conflicts. Just tell me if you need them.
I sent the following points to designers@, but your are also welcome to comment on it:
--> colours are slightly different --> I couldn't arrange the text nicely -> word breaks are very bad and non consistent, as is justification. The little boxes look terrible if justified, the big texts look messy if not justified --> the third box of the third inside panel is special, if know how to make it look better please tell me
Any other advice? Feedback?
Thanks!
Best, Lucile
On 31/10/13 17:20, Lucile Falgueyrac wrote:
Hi everyone,
The new English version of the tool leaflet is almost done. It is quite different from the original German one.
--> the language needs to be proofread --> the text (actual content) needs to be checked
Ideas / critics / remarks welcome! Since I sent the source file to designers@, I'm just attaching the pdf here to have less conflicts. Just tell me if you need them.
I sent the following points to designers@, but your are also welcome to comment on it:
--> colours are slightly different --> I couldn't arrange the text nicely -> word breaks are very bad and non consistent, as is justification. The little boxes look terrible if justified, the big texts look messy if not justified --> the third box of the third inside panel is special, if know how to make it look better please tell me
Any other advice? Feedback?
Thanks!
Best, Lucile
Nice work!
I fully agree with the message of the leaflet.
Well, I already know what is really behind the points 1 to 8. But I suggest to ask also for feedback from people (friends/family) who know very little about Software Freedom and especially from people who use and like fancy proprietary software. Since those people are the target group of this leaflet, it is important that they (at least some of them) get the message and not find it totally silly or irrelevant or far-fetched or whatever... I hope they don't.
Some small suggestions within the text:
"[...] Free Software is not about price, but liberty." I suggest: "[...] Free Software is not about price, it's about liberty." "[...] Free Software is not about cost, it's about your freedom."
"Whoever controls the software therefore controls you." I suggest: "So whoever controls the software also controls you."
"Sometimes it 'only' does not do exactly what you expected, but there are also programs and apps that contain malicious 'features' like leaking your data without your knowledge." I suggest: "Some programs and apps might not do exactly what you expect. Others may contain malicious 'features' and abuse your data or your device for their own purpose behind your back." Maybe use italics instead of '....' quotes?
"you will benefit from the knowledge and expertise of vibrant communities ." <- There's an extra space before the dot.
Keep it up!
Cheers, Jann
On 01/11/13 11:04, Jann Eike Kruse wrote:
"[...] Free Software is not about price, but liberty." I suggest: "[...] Free Software is not about price, it's about liberty." "[...] Free Software is not about cost, it's about your freedom."
The original sentence is perfectly fine. Furthermore, comma splices are ungrammatical in English.
"Whoever controls the software therefore controls you." I suggest: "So whoever controls the software also controls you."
No preference here.
"Sometimes it 'only' does not do exactly what you expected, but there are also programs and apps that contain malicious 'features' like leaking your data without your knowledge." I suggest: "Some programs and apps might not do exactly what you expect. Others may contain malicious 'features' and abuse your data or your device for their own purpose behind your back."
I am not sure that the proposed replacement is good enough; however, neither is the original. My proposal:
"The shortcomings of non-free software are sometimes limited to failing to meet your expectations; however, more often than not non-free software also leaks your data or hides other malicious 'features'."
Maybe use italics instead of '....' quotes?
+1
Hi,
I recently joined the fellowship and have not contributed before to the work of the Foundation. I would like to thank you and show my appreciation for your work.
I suppose comments are welcome from everyone, therefore please find my small contribution below. I split the comments in the the 6 pages of the flyer after folded.
1st page (front cover): - I think that "tools" is a term too generic in English to be used with the purpose intended here. Why not use simply "screwdriver"? I think it would make the title more catchy, "What do Free Software and a screwdriver have in common?" I think that would really make people want to open the flyer and read it.
2nd and 3rd page (the comparison): - "… to such serious digital restrictions, which is why …" -> "…to serious digital restrictions. That's why…" (You use "such" if the restrictions have been enumerated before or if you're making a comparison, which is neither case here. I think that breaking it in two sentences makes it easier to read. - "… absurd consequences it would have if for example screwdrivers …" -> "… absurd consequences if for example screwdrivers …" ("it would have" is not needed.) - "… to external unknown persons …" -> "… to unknown persons" (it is as bad when it is sent to internal unknown persons :) - "… whitout our knowledge." -> "… without our knowledge" (screw number 8) - "… software patent…" -> "… software patents…"
4th page: - "Where can Free Software be used?" -> "Where is Free Software used?" (I think that "can" leaves the feeling that we have the dream that free software one day will be used in those specific areas, when it is in fact a reality.) - "… often badly restricted." -> "… often strongly restricted." (Badly restricted would mean wrongly done.) - "data bases" -> "databases" - "… has almost no end. Free Software accounts…" -> "… has almost no end. Non-free proprietary software is still used in some of these devices. However, fortunately Free Software accounts…" (I have mixed feelings concerning this box at the end. I understand that the idea is to say that free software is not an utopia, it is used de facto. However, it leaves the feeling that there's nothing to worry about.)
5th page: - "… Free Software is not about price, but liberty." -> "… Free Software is not about price, it is about liberty."
Last page (back cover): - "This flyer was printed by..." -> "This flyer is from…" (why printed? I could print some copies myself and distribute it.) - "…digital society." -> "…information society." (Some years ago I worked in information society statistics. "Information society" was the term used internationally in Europe.) - "… share and improve…" -> take out the bold of the "and" word - "… to shape technology as you see fit." -> "… to adapt technology to fit your needs." ("Shape" sounds to me as changes at the design phase, when we mean having the right to change it after done. "As you see fit" sounds a bit like arbitrary changes and referring to needs make the message stronger.) - "Donations are critical to our strength and help us to act autonomous." -> "Donations are critical for us to continue our work and help keep the Foundation independent. (I think that "independent" makes a stronger message than "autonomous". I suppose that's what you mean there. Also "keep our work" gives a more sense of urgency than "our strenght".
Best regards. Fernando
A 31/10/2013, às 16:20, Lucile Falgueyrac lucile.falg@fsfe.org escreveu:
Hi everyone,
The new English version of the tool leaflet is almost done. It is quite different from the original German one.
--> the language needs to be proofread --> the text (actual content) needs to be checked
Ideas / critics / remarks welcome! Since I sent the source file to designers@, I'm just attaching the pdf here to have less conflicts. Just tell me if you need them.
I sent the following points to designers@, but your are also welcome to comment on it:
--> colours are slightly different --> I couldn't arrange the text nicely -> word breaks are very bad and non consistent, as is justification. The little boxes look terrible if justified, the big texts look messy if not justified --> the third box of the third inside panel is special, if know how to make it look better please tell me
Any other advice? Feedback?
Thanks!
Best, Lucile -- Lucile Falgueyrac - Free Software Foundation Europe FSFE, Schönhauser Allee 6/7, 10119 Berlin XMPP : lucile.falg@jabber.fsfe.org
Support FSFE! https://fsfe.org/ <tool-leaflet.pdf>_______________________________________________ Discussion mailing list Discussion@fsfeurope.org https://mail.fsfeurope.org/mailman/listinfo/discussion
Hi Fernando, Jann, Heiki,
Thank you for commenting, you had very valuable points. I implemented some changes (the ones that made sense to me).
A few words about Fernando's message:
On 11/01/2013 07:30 PM, Fernando Reis wrote:
I recently joined the fellowship and have not contributed before to the work of the Foundation. I would like to thank you and show my appreciation for your work.
Welcome and thanks for your contribution!
4th page:
- "… often badly restricted." -> "… often strongly restricted." (Badly restricted would mean wrongly done.)
I chose to use "heavily restricted" in the new version. What do you think?
Non-free proprietary software is still used in some of these devices. However, fortunately Free Software accounts…" (I have mixed feelings concerning this box at the end. I understand that the idea is to say that free software is not an utopia, it is used de facto. However, it leaves the feeling that there's nothing to worry about.)
Valuable point, I added your sentence.
5th page:
- "…digital society." -> "…information society." (Some years ago I worked in information society statistics. "Information society" was the term used internationally in Europe.)
Mh, this is a long debate... I also like information society but digital society is what is used everywhere on the website fsfe.org "Free Software Foundation Europe is a non-profit organisation dedicated to promoting Free Software, working to build a free digital society." so I'll stick to it for now
Did I miss something?
Thank you again, Lucile
Hi Lucile
A 05/11/2013, às 13:27, Lucile Falgueyrac lucile.falg@fsfe.org escreveu:
4th page:
- "… often badly restricted." -> "… often strongly restricted." (Badly restricted would mean wrongly done.)
I chose to use "heavily restricted" in the new version. What do you think?
Even better.
5th page:
- "…digital society." -> "…information society." (Some years ago I worked in information society statistics. "Information society" was the term used internationally in Europe.)
Mh, this is a long debate... I also like information society but digital society is what is used everywhere on the website fsfe.org "Free Software Foundation Europe is a non-profit organisation dedicated to promoting Free Software, working to build a free digital society." so I'll stick to it for now
I agree with you. Terminology should be consistent across the website.
Cheers. Fernando
Hi Alessandro and everyone
On 11/06/2013 07:27 PM, Alessandro Rubini wrote:
Did I miss something?
It looks very good to me, but "software" like all "*ware" is not countable. It is a substance, like "stuff", "butter", "milk", "crap". Use is wrong in several places of the leflet and should be fixed accordingly.
Mh, I'm very confused now... Please find confusing sentences with "software" bellow:
* Free Software gives us essential freedom that other type of software deny us.
* Free Software can be used as tool.
* There is an incredible number of Free Software available
* However, fortunately Free Software accounts for a large proportion of those embedded software.
Are those sentences ok? Sorry for the very basic question. I'll ask a native English speaker to proofread the whole leaflet and improve the wording, but I'd like to understand..
Best, Lucile
On 11/11/13 15:41, Lucile Falgueyrac wrote:
Are those sentences ok? Sorry for the very basic question. I'll ask a
No.
- Free Software gives us essential freedom that other type of software
deny us.
Either "other type*s* of software deny us" or "other software denies us".
- Free Software can be used as tool.
"as a tool"
- There is an incredible number of Free Software available
"incredible amount" or "incredible number of Free Software packages"
- However, fortunately Free Software accounts for a large proportion of
those embedded software.
No "those".
I only commented on the grammar; however, I am inclined to believe that some of the sentences could be rephrased to sound more natural and intuitive.
Please find confusing sentences with "software" bellow:
- Free Software gives us essential freedom that other type of software
deny us.
Ok.
- Free Software can be used as tool.
"as tool" sounds bad to me, but it's not a problem with "software".
- There is an incredible number of Free Software available
"amount" instead of "number".
- However, fortunately Free Software accounts for a large proportion of
those embedded software.
"the" instead of "those". Just think about "water" or any other substance: you can count applications, programmes, tools, frameworks, packages, but not softwares. Just like you can count liters, bottle, glasses, brands, but you cannot count waters.
Are those sentences ok? Sorry for the very basic question. I'll ask a native English speaker to proofread the whole leaflet and improve the wording, but I'd like to understand..
I hope the point is clear now. It's good to have somebody proofread the leaflet: I was raising the point about misuse of "software" because misuse is pretty common in local translations (including my country).
Regards /alessandro
Thanks for your quick answers Alessandro, Heiki
On 11/11/2013 04:41 PM, Lucile Falgueyrac wrote:
Mh, I'm very confused now...
It will be proofread before printing and publication
Best, Lucile
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On 2013-11-11 17:07, Lucile Falgueyrac wrote:
Thanks for your quick answers Alessandro, Heiki
On 11/11/2013 04:41 PM, Lucile Falgueyrac wrote:
Mh, I'm very confused now...
It will be proofread before printing and publication
Best, Lucile
Is the leaflet available yet (electronically or otherwise)? I don't seem to be able to find anything in the subversion repository (or anywhere else). If it's done, a pdf would be nice. If not yet done, I'd be happy to proofread/comment (unless it's already perfect ;-).
- - Felix
- -- Felix C. Stegerman vice-coordinator, dutch fellowship group of fsfe
Hi
On 01/07/2014 11:48 PM, Felix C. Stegerman wrote:
Is the leaflet available yet (electronically or otherwise)? I don't seem to be able to find anything in the subversion repository (or anywhere else).
It's in Internal/Artworks/Fellowship/tool-leaflet-inside.en.svg and /tools-leaflet-cover.en.svg
Do you have access?
If it's done, a pdf would be nice. If not yet done, I'd be happy to proofread/comment (unless it's already perfect ;-).
I don't think that it's perfect.. A friend promises to improve the language with his native skills but I got nothing so far.
Thanks for caring :)
Lucile
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On 2014-01-08 13:26, Lucile Falgueyrac wrote:
Hi
On 01/07/2014 11:48 PM, Felix C. Stegerman wrote:
Is the leaflet available yet (electronically or otherwise)? I don't seem to be able to find anything in the subversion repository (or anywhere else).
It's in Internal/Artworks/Fellowship/tool-leaflet-inside.en.svg and /tools-leaflet-cover.en.svg
Do you have access?
Doesn't seem so. But I could be doing something wrong. I haven't used the fsfe's subversion repos before (or subversion for that matter). I was able to browse the /artwork repo (which has some other flyers and is mentioned on the wiki).
If it's done, a pdf would be nice. If not yet done, I'd be happy to proofread/comment (unless it's already perfect ;-).
I don't think that it's perfect.. A friend promises to improve the language with his native skills but I got nothing so far.
Thanks for caring :)
My pleasure. I'll look at it tomorrow -- I've been far too busy today. I would also like to help with other translations in future (when I'm not so busy) as I'm tri-lingual (English, Dutch, German).
Lucile
- - Felix
- -- Felix C. Stegerman vice-coordinator, dutch fellowship group of fsfe
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Hi all,
I've made some improvements to the English tool leaflet. I've also translated the leaflet to Dutch.
@Maurice I'd appreciate it if you could give (me) some feedback on the Dutch version. It could probably use a second pair of eyes.
I've put everything in a private gist at: https://gist.github.com/obfusk/5ad471befc5f04161a38
Let me know what you think.
- - Felix
- -- Felix C. Stegerman vice-coordinator, dutch fellowship group of fsfe
Hi
On 01/13/2014 02:10 AM, Felix C. Stegerman wrote:
I've made some improvements to the English tool leaflet. I've also translated the leaflet to Dutch.
Thanks!
Let me know what you think.
I changed alignments and margins (for the English one). It's now in the advocacy fellowship svn repo [1] and will be printed soon.
Best, Lucile
[1] svn --username yourusername co https://svn.fsfe.org/advocacy/trunk yourlocaldir
* Lucile Falgueyrac lucile.falg@fsfe.org [2014-01-13 13:36:04 +0100]:
I changed alignments and margins (for the English one). It's now in the advocacy fellowship svn repo [1] and will be printed soon.
It is also accessible read only on http://download.fsfe.org/advocacy/.
Regards, Matthias
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On 2014-01-13 02:10, Felix C. Stegerman wrote:
Hi all,
I've made some improvements to the English tool leaflet. I've also translated the leaflet to Dutch.
@Maurice I'd appreciate it if you could give (me) some feedback on the Dutch version. It could probably use a second pair of eyes.
I've put everything in a private gist at: https://gist.github.com/obfusk/5ad471befc5f04161a38
Let me know what you think.
I've made a few small improvements to the Dutch version -- and updated the gist accordingly.
@Maurice: have you had time to look at it yet?
- - Felix
- -- Felix C. Stegerman vice-coordinator, dutch fellowship group of fsfe
Lucile,
* Felix C. Stegerman flx@fsfe.org [2014-01-10 01:13:38 +0100]:
Doesn't seem so. But I could be doing something wrong. I haven't used the fsfe's subversion repos before (or subversion for that matter). I was able to browse the /artwork repo (which has some other flyers and is mentioned on the wiki).
Can you move the leaflet into the Advocacy SVN? https://www.wiki.fsfe.org/FellowshipServices/Subversion So everybody with an account can access it.
Regards, Matthias